HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY

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BRIAN 2008

BRIAN SAINT PADDY'S DAY 2013

"IT IS EASY TO BE PLEASANT 

WHEN LIFE FLOWS BY LIKE A SONG

BUT THE MAN WORTHWHILE IS THE ONE WHO CAN SMILE

WHEN EVERYTHING GOES DEAD WRONG" IRISH BLESSING

GAELIC PRAYER

"DEEP PEACE OF THE RUNNING WAVES TO YOU

DEEP PEACE OF THE FLOWING AIR TO YOU

DEEP PEACE OF THE SMILING STARS TO YOU

DEEP PEACE OF THE QUIET EARTH TO YOU

DEEP PEACE OF THE WATCHING SHEPHERDS TO YOU 

DEEP PEACE OF THE SON OF PEACE TO YOU"

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In loving memory of my youngest son who passed away from #cancer three years ago. Below are the lyrics to a song I am writing for Brian. Mark Cargill & Greg Cook are my co-writers. Last June we finished the basic tracks for "Cannon Ball." Sometimes, I would start to cry during recording. Mark and Greg would stop and sit with me quietly, sometimes crying with me until I could start again. We had been working together about 4 years when Brian was diagnosed. They were very supportive during our battles and stayed in touch with me. They told me their church friends were praying for Brian and I. I love how this song evolved from our hearts. We need to have other good recording buddies join us to finish the instrumental base and background singing. It has been a few years since I have seen them but it will truly be a home-coming.A lot has happened since I saw them last. Most of the album was finished before Brian was diagnosed. Only this memorial song and the title track "Main Street" remain to be finished.  My Blog carries more information about this marvelous young man, my beautiful baby boy. With much gratitude to our family and friends and @Livestrong. For more info on adolescent and young adult  #AYAcancer see @heycriticalmass & @stupidcancer

Peace and love - Janelle

 

Cannon Ball 

Copyright 2014 Janelle Donovan

 

Sail him like a human cannonball

Far away from here

from the silent desperation 

and the quiet constant fears

Blast him past the gravity

Of this sickened circumstance

Through the stratosphere of miracles

where he can find another chance

 

Shoot him like a cannonball

Help him sail to heavens gate 

Find the everlasting cure we crave

before its too late

Fly him fast... like a cannonball

 

But he flew like a shining star 

 out of here

away from all the earthly pain

Beyond the fear

He rose above the gravity

 that tried to pull him down

With angel force inside 

he rose above the ground

And just to remind us 

that he was still beside us

From the ceiling above us

To let us know he loved us

 He turned... and gave us one last  smile.

No cannonball appeared...

 

I feel his hands upon my shoulders

 Hear him say my name

In heaven dreams he hugs me tight 

although it’s not the same

I don’t shatter like a cannon ball

I find a place right here

Through the new born silence and my sudden aching tears

I don’t shatter like a canon ball - no, not for today

The love of those around me helps me grab onto the day

I find another chance to rise 

 despite the mass and matter

My heart does not  completely shatter ...

 shatter... 

Doesn’t shatter like a cannon ball

One of Brian's favorite sayings when people seemed to be getting too serious was "Indeed!" He said it with a slight British inflection and a knowing nod of the head.  It made people laugh and often helped us all chill. So today I say in loving memory "Indeed!" 

Brian Quote

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Brian begged me for an electric guitar for Christmas. It was one of the best gifts I ever got anyone.He practiced endlessly on his little Gorilla amp using headphones at night to mum the amp. He started writing his own songs right away.

As I continue on my journey with this great missing in my heart, I find so many good people. One of my friends has been sending me small booklets that have often touched me deeply. In a series called "Finding Hope and Healing" by Kenneth C. Hauk I found a C.S. Lewis quote to share with you. "In grief, nothing 'stays put'. One keeps emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I'm on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?" Much health and love and peace and power to you all. XO - Janelle

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When Brian spent his first week in-patient, as the doctors fought to shrink his numerous tumors, he was introduced to a beautiful Golden Retriever therapy dog named Jingles, who wore a lovely rhinestone collar and wagged her tail constantly. Brian and his girl friend decided a dog would be a wonderful addition to their little home. They searched a rescue dog sight and discovered Maizey, who had been rescued from a crowded kennel in another state. She adored them both right from the first meeting. Maizey quickly became part of our whole family. 

She loved sitting chilling on the couch with Brian and kept him company while his girlfriend was at work. She stayed with Brian through his last moments. The hospice allowed people to bring pets for comfort and company. Maizey was as loyal and loving as any friend could be. I love her and feel forever connected and grateful to her. She is an angel as Brian is now. Wishing you good health and great friends of all types, dear reader.

Maizey the Angel Dog

This time of year can be very difficult for moms, dads, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents who grieve for a young loved one gone too soon. I struggle mightily at times. I have hundreds of photos of Brian and family all over the house. He had an easy, infectious smile. These three photos have become some of my vision of Brian in heaven. I can not help but smile back as he beams at me across time and space.

Bri and Santa

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Bri and his first dog, Tails

Brian and his first dog Tails

Brian on the Florida coast

Brian on the Florida coast

Peace and joy be with you...

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My House

 

#NewYorkCity

Candle Lighting in memory of Brian 2014 So-Cal

#DenverColorado

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L.A.! AKA So-Cal

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